the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
