we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
