It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
