My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
