No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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