I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
