Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
