? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
