His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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