Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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