didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
