Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
