College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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