exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
