i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
