So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
