meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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