You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Reggie can tackle my bush.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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