i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
