You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
