Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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