I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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