The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
