i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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