I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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