She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
