so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
