like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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