She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
