I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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