people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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