ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
