She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
