fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
