Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
