I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
