I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
