Already got asked if we're dating
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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