first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
too bad you live with your parents still
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
