I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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