so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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