i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
