I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
