Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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