I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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