I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
