The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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