Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
