I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
