i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
