ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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