I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
