hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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