You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
