RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dear god my vagina.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
