Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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