my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
