I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
