i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
